sestina of doom?

i open my eyes and search for love,
knowing contentedly that i am alone,
for it would seem that at my best i
can never open my eyes to take yours in,
and it is so peaceful and dark
that i know you will never really see me like this.

the moon likes nights like this,
when foolish bards attempt to love.
and the words are only lost in the dark,
so happy to be caught alone,
that no one but the stars may listen in,
and no on is speaking but i.

no one must suffer now that i
have admitted my part in this,
now that i am thoroughly outside-in.
now that i have admitted to admitting love,
i am finally content to lie alone,
smiling sleeplessly in the dark.

but as in everything, the darkness colors dreams dark.
in every possible way i
have committed myself once more to being alone,
inadvertently and sadly you are this:
nameless, faceless, eyeless, mouth-less, my love.
do you hear me? i find your eyes and look in.

i cannot look in without falling in.
blissfully discouraged, i myself am dark,
misunderstood, lost in the complications of love.
led to wander too far from myself i
finally resign myself to thinking this,
that i may learn to change in one day when i am with you and you alone:

alone
in
this
dark,
i
love.

for now i am truly alone, left to leave myself to the dark.
emotions may dive in, but i will always remain - well, "i."
i leave you, my love, with this: be true, my love, to love.