magic 22 (part 2)

in seventeen years, i sit unmarked
pilate, me
i killed you in five different locations
but i killed myself more
and it's not my fault
i keep saying, i keep rowing
it's hard because there is no shore

and this big stupid river, road, whatever
it doesn't matter
faker than fake, cornmeal and flakes
better in words than in song or
reality, give me up to someone, something
but do it before i forget to dream

ten thousand goodbyes, and
this is the hardest.

i dream of the city, the ocean
i dream of arms on mine
i dream of your smiles, words, memories
unsolicited
nothing else

there are only pages and headstones
where we lived, charred smiles
like candlelight lashes
i want to believe, i do
i want to believe in mending a broken connection
love, too. i want to know it all

sometimes. when life hits me square in the jaw
when i accidentally run you over.
only then, but it happens.
i keep on looking at this passenger seat
and i keep on wondering

"who used to sit here?"

and of course, the answer's air
shouldn't i be used to it by now?