lyrics on my speaker

maybe it isn't what i wanted,
too rough, too childish.
the grain got in my way.
and yet-
it says what i wanted to say.

as long as i can hear your serenade,
i'm fine, i'll breathe.
the music's running in my veins.
so play-
i'll never throw your serenade away.

you're coursing through my thoughts,
i fight, i hate.
this music will never be mine to take.
and yet -
i hear you smile and see you sing, and know that i'm okay.

honesty

you are my poetry.
your heart beats as mine,
running, running, out of time.
anonymity has quenched our mediocrity.
and now we drown in blood and tears of joy.

i am a toy.
you've stolen my alacrity,
stabbing, stabbing, crying out rhymes.
and now i feel we've crossed the line,
the lullabies we sing are drowning in the sea.

so thank you.
it's time i broke a verse
to break this curse.
let me nevermore be burned by this rope.

apparently god thinks i'm you

the afternoon sun is warm,
but i still have chills.
my body is draped across a chair,
yet i am still tense.
this cynicism makes no sense.

you want this utopia,
so you can be the exception.
you want to be sad,
just to be able to strive for love.
i want to meet the earth, and the stars, and maybe even the god above.

f ii

i'm still falling,
i won't ever get up.
i'm a self-destructive son of a bitch
and that's the way it'll always be.

i should be loving life,
living it, for fuck's sake.
but i'm a son of a gun with no sense of fun,
and that's the way it'll always be.

life sucks when you're dealing with infinity.

yes they do.

and so do i.

you're not alone, friend.
this is not the end.
how many times have you laid down and died?
you could have tried,
you could have
tried.

smile tomorrow;
for real this time,
and forget your anxiety for just one day.
it's not really that way.

get me out please get me out please get me out please....

i know because i know because i know because
i'm really not ready to trust
oh why is the ceiling blue when it could be green?
why is the water boiling, the fire's unseen.
where is it? where is the flame?
i need someone to blame, but you don't understand,
your perfect world is perfect but all the same
it's broken, shattered, destroyed like mine and yet
it's perfect? why is your poverty more romantic than mine?

i know because i know because i know because
you write and think and know your way
even though you get lost sometimes,
but when i get lost i'm lost and that's it,
there's no redemption, no silver lining,
it's probably my brain,
it's a fucking work of moder art,
you just can't figure it out, but neither can i,
so maybe it'd be better if i could ever get high
but i can't i can't i can't
because it just wouldn't work out right anyway.

fractals

the love of my life
drove me off of a wall,
but my body was broken
ere i began to fall.
so here stands a shard
of the person who was,
will you take my hand and pull me above?

in my fall from grace,
i stumbled a bit,
and looked down this path
but couldn't see shit.
so now i am walking
into the night,
will you stay with me always, though my head isn't right?

(i keep on using the word "shit." hmm...)