big lonely world

how is it that i could speak to your heart
with such little effort so short a time ago?
the snow would fall with icy clarity,
and the sun would rise on a world of newness,
and you would be there, and so would i.

well i've found out that things change,
and your soliloquies would fall on deaf ears,
the rain would drench our coats,
and the moon would wane to nothing,
and you wouldn't be there, and neither would i.

so let's run together,
through fields and memories and countrysides and dreams,
because the time we have left is precious,
and i love you.
let's run together,
feel the wind,
run, run, run into the sunset,
forgetting for a moment that i'm not okay,
because i like it better this way,
and i love you.

please

forgive me if i can't make bold statements
and stand for what is obviously right.
if i seem silent,
know that it is because the world is so confusing,
and we, we are so few.

the few of us that devote time to our morals,
we are the ones who sigh upon a sinking stone,
following,
while the chains of down around our feet relinquish
their hold once more.

all i'm asking for is redemption
when i amble down the path that i didn't choose,
thinking it is the star that i aimed for.
forgive me when you see me years from now,
and those bold statements i could never make
have come back to gnarl my skin and gouge my eyes.
what is sacred is what we hold inside,
only, i do not know what is sacred
to me.

homework

what i could be doing
is nothing compared to what i'm not.

'son of a bitch,'
thought the shepherd's dog.

whoever wrote this so-called poem
should be flogged.

oh, wait.

grifter

this family has been poisoned.
we'll writhe until we blind ourselves,
our epileptic fits will grow until
our precious skulls are cracked upon these wood floors,
and our thoughts spill out until reticence gives way to
peace.

the depths will drag us ever lower.
i'm beginning to realize that blame has no use,
my psychotic obsession will fade until
my redemption becomes naught but a romantic notion,
and my eyes will open and as the light reaches me and i
believe.

(but perhaps i'm overreacting. all i can do is wait a scant two years longer.)

coop (or maybe coup)

(a little bit of disturbing roleplay for you people. don't worry, this isn't me).

let me stand a while longer
in the company of fools and a ghosts,
before i watch you walk right down the isle
and the bridesmaid starts her toast...
because i've got to think about what i'm doing,
and the knife beneath my suit,
the blood on my hands is good and soothing
'til i take this gun and shoot.

i think i'll use the word "fuck"

because the world revolves a little bit faster
when you decide to live a little bit faster
and your lies go away just a little bit faster
you forget to hate, you betray your master
when the world revolves a little bit faster.

if i'm hyped up on the things i love
does it matter if i get no response from above?
if i punch a wall when i get real mad
does it mean i'm delinquent does it mean i'm sad?

because the earth is screaming to go faster
don't you hear its pleas just a little bit faster,
and the father's screaming a little bit faster,
and his child is running a little bit faster,
when the world revolves a little bit faster.

and the boy is thinking
"get me the fuck away from here,"

gone

i want a fast car,
i want a cigar,
to break the rules
is to say, "i'm not a fool!"

i'll never be
a revolutionary
but until you see me standing there,
flag in hand,

i'll be trying to find
some rule to break
that will leave me happy,
helpful,
hurting no more.

... like home.

and i want to be far away.

i want you to smile at me.
i don't care how close you -
or anyone -
gets.
i just want a smile,
a word. no, many words. assurance that it's all okay.
because i don't even know which fraction of my body is suffering,
and which is whole.
whose fault is that?

research

do what you love?
yeah. it's as easy as that.
romanticism only works when you're alone.
and then reality knocks,
and you're stuck picking locks,
trying to get out of the cage that you've built.

i.e., fuck this.

chorus

if you can get it right,
get it right!
then do it wrong just to show him it's fine.

jump the fence
cross the line
do the stuff that makes you fly!
who cares about love?
all you need is life!

viewpoints

sculpted in glass and foil and god knows what,
i take off my spectacles and, mouth shut,
raise my eyes to stare back again,
see the glimmer change, and you know what?

it's the outlook, friends, not the man,
it's a jacket that through mem'ry ran.
i can take this mirror and take this cut,
and the one will heal the other like melting sand.

avec moi. a song?

down the road lives a butcher,
he's given all he's got.
so now he's sitting crying,
and now he's feeling lost.

but his wife is fair and pretty,
his children smart and strong.
and this wife, she can't figure
why her husband's face is long.

please don't ever sigh,
you wretch,
please don't ever cry.
i'll be all you wanted,
if all you want is a lie.
'cause all you'll get is a sigh,
my wretch,
searching for the meaning you'll never find.

the hippy in the courtyard
is smoking his old joint,
he used to be proactive,
but now he's lost the point.

and his van is old and faded,
in younger years he'd paint.
but now he's sad and lost,
and the world now seems faint.

please don't ever cry,
you jokester,
please don't ever lie,
and tell yourself it's over
unless you want another sigh.
'cause all you'll get is a cry,
jokester,
searching for things we cannot find.

not your average rut.

how do you hold a friend?
how do you find yourself
in the mess that is adolescence?

HOW?

because i've been searching for sixteen years,
and i can't make this sticker
stick.

scorpio

"someone you least expect will withhold information."

but i don't know who it could be,
when the only person who can make me happy
is me.

welcome to spring,
i think,
as a baby bird fails its first flight.

i'll show you mine...

well, i would,
but i've got nothing to show.
sometimes i blame you for my wearing
my insides on my sleeves.
but really, it's just me.

i'll seize the day
another way.

awkward turtle

lately
the dew-drops aren't so sweet
and the melodies tend to
linger
just a moment too long.
have i grown stale?

and don't be afraid. i'm better than ever.
i've changed.
only, i don't know if i can watch another winter
take it all away.

rock music.

sometimes
(screw it, most of the time)
i wish i were you.

here comes the ___

i don't really know what to write,
besides "thank god."
suddenly there is a vigor in this world
that has been gone for too long.