dissonance

today was just like any other day.

right? that statement was too true to be true.
it feels as if i'm grasping for reasons that are not there,
running in circles when i should be happy just to see you.

because i need some motive to shout with joy,
afraid that i'll spend my days just pulling out my hair,
wondering whether or not i've made myself your latest toy.

cradle me until i've stopped picking at this skin,
'til my hair is long and my nails are smooth and i know you care.
this ice i'm skating on feels so nice right now, but it's so, so thin.

sestina of doom?

i open my eyes and search for love,
knowing contentedly that i am alone,
for it would seem that at my best i
can never open my eyes to take yours in,
and it is so peaceful and dark
that i know you will never really see me like this.

the moon likes nights like this,
when foolish bards attempt to love.
and the words are only lost in the dark,
so happy to be caught alone,
that no one but the stars may listen in,
and no on is speaking but i.

no one must suffer now that i
have admitted my part in this,
now that i am thoroughly outside-in.
now that i have admitted to admitting love,
i am finally content to lie alone,
smiling sleeplessly in the dark.

but as in everything, the darkness colors dreams dark.
in every possible way i
have committed myself once more to being alone,
inadvertently and sadly you are this:
nameless, faceless, eyeless, mouth-less, my love.
do you hear me? i find your eyes and look in.

i cannot look in without falling in.
blissfully discouraged, i myself am dark,
misunderstood, lost in the complications of love.
led to wander too far from myself i
finally resign myself to thinking this,
that i may learn to change in one day when i am with you and you alone:

alone
in
this
dark,
i
love.

for now i am truly alone, left to leave myself to the dark.
emotions may dive in, but i will always remain - well, "i."
i leave you, my love, with this: be true, my love, to love.

instead of sleep

my curtain are drawn,
even though the skies
call out:

"come gaze,
dear boy,
upon the ageless night,
so dark
and oh so bright,
come sit with us
and sigh."

and again i wonder
why i am not somewhere
three thousand years ago,
or simply so many miles away,
where the stars truly are
as bright
as these dreams.

lashes

backlashes
and all because your eyelashes
parted to reveal
a soul.
and i saw beautiful flashes
of remorse,
cries,
and this feeling clashes
with everything
i know.
you reek of pity,
splashes of year-old champagne,
it slashes at your perfect figure,
until i understand the rain.

dedicated to:

what's funny
is that none of them
would appreciate it
if they knew that it was written
about them.

snails are beautiful creatures even if they are ugly.

life was in a minor key when you came;
and i realize that all those flats
grated against your perfectly melodious tune.
the harmonies couldn't make up for the sadness,
could they?

but still i savor every note,
even though sometimes
it feels as though i'm living in sixteenths.
and the discord descends inescapably,
and i am watching myself living a depressing blur.

but i guess
it just makes
a key change
that much more
beautiful.

inside of me.

i don't know who i am.
i'll be honest: my ideals have turned into shadows,
and i've lately been content to accuse others of losing theirs.
but what are mine?
who am i?
the characters that make themselves visible after years of introspect
have hidden among my greeds and faults.
and i'm left by myself again,
because reconciliation is barely enough to procure
the friends inside of me.