that weekend

when i say i am disappointed
it is the thought
of you in him
because you are in me
and sometimes in the shower
i rehearse our separation
and the thought passes through me
that i should wish the same for you
that you wished for me,
that the boys who touch you
are at least as good as
you deserve.
i understand now,
i think, that this is only half generosity,
and half self-preservation

leaving

i am falling again
leaving
asleep on a bed of winter
my dreams
returning, joyful and sad
to the days before you
when a season was just a season
and i was a lonesome cat

continent

you surround me
the weight of the entire ocean
maine lobsters
oil spills
the long island sound, and
i try to swim,
instead filling up with you.
i want to be drunk again
and cute, and yours;
i want to sink,
and feel your weight once more.

tell me

monday is silent
and i cannot write anything
beautiful anymore
autumn stole my love
and winter buried him deep

home

kuma is a big dog
and she wants to catch my tears
as well as she can catch squirrels
she brings the rain inside
and tries with love to drown my drowning
but
i can't sleep

or wake up

when it isn't next to you

a warehouse in the presidio trust

you, my lover who is just my lover
in a land where the leaves don't turn
where a minute is seven years long
and then over, done;
do you remember when words flowed
like wine, and wine flowed
like water, in a land with no droughts?
how easy things were
with our ropes so tangled
escaping into each other, licking
our wounds
deciding that strong hands
and fragile necks, and firewood
could pull us through, do you remember--
us, lovers
in a land where point of everything
was to end?

on the way to fort cilluffo

i will wrap me in you
and forget to hate my ribs
enjoy my bad jokes
taste wedding cake i've
long since digested;
the only thing outside
is street lamp light
passing quicker and quicker
until we crash
into darkness, where
the only thing outside is star light
standing heavenly still;
it is so chilly on this side of love
and my coat is so thin.