dedicated to people like judas or lw / addressed to You

i can't fathom what to say
to make these feelings disperse,
i want to fall into mental homicide
and take out my rage on something that can feel.
i don't care if it's you, or her,
just simplify these complexes with a razor-knife.

now's the part where i apologize
for the feelings of worthlessness i've revealed,
where i take back my remorse and appreciate you
for you.
where do i learn to do that?
where do i learn to live without regret?
i feel myself failing expectations
and falling away from friends
and flailing
and flying
and never forgiving
and losing trust in everything.

and then there's You.
will i ever speak to you again?
not in song, or notes, or poetry,
or any other stupid wall to hide behind -
are you truly my friend?
go on, make me not care that you are
better.

LISTEN; i'm talking to you.
just for once forget the chaos
forget the idea that you can't choose -
pick whoever or whatever you want,
just choose... please.
or i'm a ghost that's left to haunt.