cramped

all of my selves, and the ones outside
the dwindling summers and the billowing sands
the landscape of my love
has been pulled
a deep, purple bruise appears
twice, once on each eye
totem to an unknowable
(unbelievable)
god

you, subtle mountains in my gaze
you, shifting shadows on the sill
you, daring thorns on wilting flowers
all of you are me today
outside of me
and the ones inside
shivering with the winter of a great, hard fall
i silence their calling, cover their mouths

why did this happen?
by what device did i end up here
incapacitated, dribbling beans and garlic
staring up at the ceiling, through it
at the painful brightness
the mountainous, shadowy, razored edge
of a cloudy day?

to see this. to see it.
all of my selves, crying for peace
are really only crying for you.
and, since i cannot have you
i must have today. i must drink all of it in.