if high school diplomas were all we needed

today i gave
i gave my heart away
and came out with motor oil on my hands,
listlessly grasping for words that my
frozen extremities refuse to close in on.

i tried honesty,
but you countered it with a mirror,
two years back and a thousand words stronger,
sunken eyes and that jaded smile.
you'll turn yourself blind in just a few winks.

and all the emotions i felt -
one for each day of the year -
weren't worth it to hear your generalize, legitimize
pretend that this gelatinous state we live in
is enough to keep on going.
i felt all this within the parameters
of a heartbeat.

but mostly i felt hope.
someday you'll realize that
you, too, can feel.

i just hope that you live to see the day.